When In Rome...

Czech tourists visiting the Roman Forum, May, 2000

On the evening of our first day in Rome almost twenty-two years ago, my wife and I went into a restaurant near the Spanish Steps. We were seated inches away from another American couple, a few decades older than us. Judging from their appearance, they were fairly well off and from their accent, were from Texas. 

I've traveled abroad a bit and from my first trip to a foreign country to this day, I've been very conscious of the image of the stereotypical American tourist and how not to act like one myself.

The couple seated next to us on the other hand, were the personification of "Ugly Americans" abroad: loud, rude, throwing their weight and money around, disrespectful of the local culture, the whole nine yards. 

At the beginning, the waiter was patient with them despite their endless inquiries about the items on the menu. After he brought their food, they immediately began to complain. I don't remember the specifics, only that the wife ordered a meat dish that tasted strange to her, maybe it didn't taste like the food she was used to at the local Italian restaurant back home in Lubbock. Then she did something unheard of in Europe, demanded the waiter bring the food back and exchange it for another dish.  

To be honest, this probably wasn't the best restaurant on the block, let alone in Rome. It catered primarily to tourists and for that reason, I'm sure it wasn't too unusual for the wait staff to hear that demand, especially from Americans. So the waiter obliged her.

Next she ordered the filet of sole. When she tasted dish number two, she summoned the waiter, who by this time was beginning to lose his patience, and told him the fish didn't have any taste. His snippy response was: "it's fresh fish, it's not supposed to have a taste." 

They weren't having any of it so back to the kitchen went the fish. She wasn't much happier with dish number three and after eating only a few bites, the two got up and left, which was as great a relief to us as it was to the bedraggled waiter. 

After they left, I apologized to him for the boorishness of our fellow countrymen. Brushing it off, he said something to the effect of "all in a day's work".

The one comical thing about the experience was the waiter's use of the English language. He spoke perfect English, but as the ordeal with these two went on, his English got worse and worse. By the end of their meal, he said to them: "beh, a... scusa miei signori, ma, I no speaka di good English."

I thought about this when I read an article on the web this morning listing things American tourists do that are confusing, aggravating and downright offensive to the natives. 

Some of the things on the list were not surprising: we tend to expect everyone, no matter the country, to speak English. We are loud, we wear unusual things like sandals with socks (actually more of a German thing I've noticed), and shorts, tee shirts and sneakers in places where they are not appropriate, (guilty as charged). Some other things listed were just plain weird such as the idea that Americans prefer to ride in the back of taxicabs. Now I'm no expert on the subject of taxicabs around the world but I have ridden in taxis in Rome, Athens, Istanbul, Berlin, St. Petersburg and Tokyo, and in none of those places was riding in front with the driver an option.

Going through the list of stupid things Americans do when traveling abroad, I came up with three general categories of offenses that thoughtful American tourists ought to avoid according to the article. Listing the three from the most grievous to the least are:

• Disrespecting the culture of the place.
• Looking like a doofus.
• Looking like an American.
  

I'll begin with the least and work my way up. For starters, I'm American and while I don't agree with everything that goes on in this country, I have no problem being American. Even if I did, there's not much I could do about it anyway, so I'm not going to change my behavior simply because it makes me appear to be what I am. Besides, if I do all the things the article suggests that won't make me appear American such as refraining from the following: 

• wearing sneakers,
• being polite to strangers, or 
• expressing excitement over seeing a building several hundred years old,

I could probably pass for a local in London

 

I might pass for a local in places like London, Berlin or Prague, that is until I opened my mouth and started to speak. 

As for me ever passing as a local in places like Tokyo or Istanbul, dream on.   

On the other hand, I don't want to look like a fool and frankly, some of the things we Americans routinely do seem quite odd to people in the rest of the world. One of them is eating and drinking while walking around. In that respect, there is a good reason to do as the Romans do, as well as the Berliners and practically everybody else in the world does. Most cultures take their eating and drinking seriously and don't believe those activities should be multi-tasked.  

A Chilean among a group of Poles at a papal audience in the Vatican

Another real curiosity is Americans' (from both hemispheres) obsession with their country's flag. Unless you're at an international sporting event or the celebration of a national holiday, it's unusual to see non-Americans displaying their nation's flag, especially as a part of their attire. Americans from the United States anyway, should realize that this appropriation of the image of our flag goes against official flag etiquette. but they go ahead and do it anyway, even in foreign countries, making their doofus rating extremely high.

The article I read, dwells on things I would place in my bottom two categories of "mistakes" Americans make abroad, while mistakes of the first category, disrespecting the culture, the only one that really matters, are glossed over. Most of the actions mentioned in the article, are trivial cultural differences which may provoke humor or curiosity among people who are not from our culture, maybe at times even endearment, but hardly ever annoyance, anger or offense. 

More enlightening than the article were some of the comments that followed, which went like this: "who cares, when I'm a tourist, I'm contributing to the economy of the country which gives me the right to do as I please."

Therein lies much of the problem.

Sure our money helps the economy of the place we're visiting, but we're not exactly part of General Patton's army liberating Europe from the grip of oppression, so we shouldn't act like we are.

Horror stories abound about tourists (not always Americans) behaving atrociously. Many of them revolve around taking selfies with no regard to the place they find themselves. One of the worst stories I read was about a group of Americans posing for selfies inside Auschwitz, while chanting "U.S.A, U.S.A". Another involves tourists of an unknown nationality at a wildlife refuge in Australia, perhaps the one I visited outside of Melbourne, shaking a Eucalyptus tree, forcing a koala to fall out.

 

The best advice I can give anyone traveling to a foreign country is this: you are a guest of that country so act like one. At home you might throw your coat on the floor, walk around in your underwear and pick your teeth at the dinner table, but hopefully you wouldn't do that in someone else's home. These selfie taking, tree shaking morons probably would do those things in somebody else's home, so there is probably nothing that can cure cluelessness of that magnitude short of a permanent travel ban.

As for the rest of us, it may sound a bit corny, but I truly believe that when we travel abroad, we are in a small way, ambassadors for our country. The way we speak, behave, and present ourselves in public is a reflection of not only us as individuals, but of our culture as well. Now it's true that reasonable people understand not to judge an entire nation based on the actions of a small handful of individuals. But stereotypes are powerful mental images, not conceived out of thin air. Human nature being what it is, negative stereotypes can be reinforced by only the slightest provocation.

What's more, when you're a guest at someone's home, the host may have a particular set of customs and rules of behavior that any respectful guest should try to abide by, so long as they know them.

It's the same when visiting a foreign country.

Here are a some of the "house" rules and other tidbits of useful information I gleaned during my travels abroad:

ON ATTIRE...

During our visit to the Vatican, we noticed that women including my wife, were discreetly asked to cover their bare shoulders upon entering St. Peter's Basilica. What about the men you ask? Well we didn't encounter any sans sleeves, but I can tell you that a man clueless enough to walk into the most important building in the Roman Catholic Church wearing a tank top, deserves every bit of public humiliation meted out to him. 

In other words, when it comes to the way we dress in foreign countries, sometimes it comes down to plain common sense, and sometimes not. You wouldn't dress the same attending Carnival in Rio as you would the Hajj in Mecca, would you? But it's not always so cut and dried.

Hagia Sophia, Istanbul

 

 

Making it more complicated. whether we like it or not, accepted standards for dress are quite different for the genders in many cultures.

Everyone knows about the restrictive dress codes for women in some conservative Muslim countries that don't exist for men. But in the west, the reverse is true. It's perfectly acceptable for example, for women to go sleeveless just about anywhere except inside some places of worship and other solemn sites. Not so for men usually, outside of the gym or the beach.

Fortunately in the age of the internet, it only takes a few keystrokes to learn what flies where, and what doesn't. And if we miss a certain detail such as the case above, no worries, we will be reminded. 

Incidentally, Istanbul pictured here, is still a city in a secular country, although that may be slowly changing. The traditional clothing seen in the photo was optional when the picture was taken in 1995. Hagia Sophia, one of the great architectural wonders of the world, at the time was a museum, but has recently been converted into a mosque, and head covering and needless to say, modest dress is required for all women visiting the building today. The one thing that dates this photo, is that being a mosque, shoes would now be removed by everyone entering the sanctuary. See below. 

ON LANGUAGE:

The old joke goes like this: 

What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Tri-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bi-lingual. And what do you call someone who speaks one language? American.

It doesn't help that English is the most widely spoken language in the world meaning that native speakers of the language can "get by" in most foreign countries by not speaking a word of the local language. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Of course, unless one is linguistically gifted, it's very difficult for a well-traveled person to be conversant in every language of every country visited. 

So how much of the language of a country should one know before traveling there? My own experience is that a little knowledge of a language can be a dangerous thing. Confident with my 500 word German vocabulary, I discovered that when I started up a conversation in German in Berlin, if the person responded in kind, I would become lost, quickly. An even worse feeling, is proudly addressing someone in the local language only to have them automatically respond to you in English. 

Unless you already know the language, my advice in visiting a country whose language is not your own, would be to at least learn essential words and phrases such as "hello' and "goodbye", "excuse me", "please", "thank you", "do you speak (my language)" and the ever popular, "where's the bathroom" before you go, no pun intended. 

Funny story, before my first visit to Russia, as is my custom, I studied the language for a couple months. It turned out the most difficult word for me to pronounce was their word for "hello" which in its native Cyrillic spelling is Здравствуйте. See what I mean? When spelled phonetically in the Latin alphabet, it's not much easier : ZDRAVS-tvuy-tye. But I persisted, and to this day I can still say hello (but little else) in Russian, and sound quite convincing. So when I got there and greeted people with a hearty, Здравствуйте!, I discovered that like here, people either just abbreviated it (zdrastu) or used the much simpler, more informal, Привет (PRI-vet). What gives, I asked my new Russian friends who told me that Здравствуйте was much too cumbersome for Russians as well.

Numbers are helpful to know, especially involving money transactions. And if you're visiting a country whose language has a different (but not all that different) alphabet from ours such as Greek or Cyrillic, learn it; it's not all that difficult, it shouldn't take more than a week or two of casual study. Then at the very least, you'll be able to read street signs. 

And in the internet age, it wouldn't hurt spending a little time with Duolingo or an equivalent, just to get a feel for the language.  

While you won't be able to have a meaningful conversation with such a brief introduction to the language, you'll gain respect from the locals for making the effort, except perhaps in Paris.

ON CULTURAL SENSITIVITY...

I once walked into a bar in the Central Business District of Melbourne that boasted offering a vast array of international beers. Being somewhat knowledgeable on the subject, I wasn't particularly interested in any of the national brews, so I asked for a British Ale, to which the bartender responded: "We're in Australia mate, not England." 

So I asked him what the Aussies drank. He said: "Well we've got a good German Weissbier, a Belgian Trappist Ale, and an American IPA."

Interesting. 

I never made the mistake of bringing up England Down Under again. 

Oh, and while we're on that subject, if you ever find yourself in Prague, don't refer to the Czech Republic as an "Eastern European" country unless you're prepared for a protracted lecture on European geography, history and politics. 

ON DINING... 

Second to language, food is perhaps the most integral part of most cultures. In Japan, the preparation and presentation of food, like so many other things we take for granted here, is raised to the level of high art. We all know of the great culinary traditions of India, China, Mexico and of course France, to name but a small handful. Always keep respect for the local food culture in mind when traveling abroad. 

In my book, the country that dials the cultural significance of its food up to an 11, that is to say, one level higher than all the rest, is Italy. 

Poultry Market in Florence

Even in an informal setting, you'll be set straight in no uncertain terms if you make a faux pas when ordering food in Italy, such as the time I asked a waiter at a glorified fast food joint in Florence for a little Parmigiano Reggiano on my plate of shrimp pasta. 

When in Rome, definitely order the Spaghetti Carbonara, the glorious signature dish of that city, but not Spaghetti Bolognese, especially don't order it in Bologna, nor anywhere else in the country. And never, I mean NEVER, order spaghetti and meatballs in Italy. 

When in Naples, (God willing I'll get there some day), the birthplace of modern pizza, order first and foremost the Pizza Margherita featuring only toppings that represent the tri-color flag of Italy, red tomatoes, white cheese and green basil. Order extra toppings if you must, but don't even think of asking for chicken or heaven forbid, pineapple on a pizza in Italy, unless you want to be thrown into the street and laughed out of the country.

ON SHOES...

I would say one of the biggest cultural differences between Americans and many parts of the world concerns shoes. I'm not talking about sandals with socks or sneakers instead of "proper" leather soled shoes, but something much more serious. I'm talking about wearing outside shoes indoors, especially in someone's home.  

When you travel abroad, especially in eastern Asia, be prepared to take off your shoes inside, as not doing so is considered unsanitary, uncouth and disrespectful in much (but not all) of the world. The American custom of wearing shoes inside one's home by the way, is deeply rooted in our own culture, and is deserving of a post of its own if not an entire thesis.

Here is perhaps the most practical advice of this entire post: in Japan you will be taking off and putting your shoes back on so often that you will want to bring shoes that slip on and off easily, not the tie-up boots that I foolishly chose to wear.

DO UNTO OTHERS...

The best advice of all on how to behave in another country is to simply follow the golden rule: don't do anything over there that would piss you off if someone came to our country and did here. Tourists to the  States who particularly bug me, are the ones who incessantly compare the way we do things in our country to the way things are done in theirs. That is one of the most common criticisms of the Ugly American abroad, yet I've encountered many visitors to this country, Europeans especially, who feel entitled to do exactly that here. 

To those folks I would say this: 

We've heard it all before; we may even agree with you that some things are better in Europe. Trust me, you're not telling us anything we don't already know. So people, please stop it; just take in our culture for the better or worse of it, and relax. I promise to return the favor and not complain how much better things are in the good ol' USA when I am a guest in your country. Be it noted that I'll do my best to convince my fellow countrymen and women to follow suit.

To wit: my message to Americans traveling abroad is as follows, don't be an asshole.

So shall it be written, so shall it be done.

Traveling abroad is one of the great experiences of life. It opens our minds, our hearts and our souls to our fellow human beings. It connects us to other cultures and teaches us among so many other things, that despite all our differences, at the heart of it all, as my father always used to say, "people are people." 

By all means, do a little research before making your journey. In our day, with all the information we have at the tip of our fingers, there is no excuse to arrive at our destination completely unprepared. 

On the other hand, don't go overboard with the planning. I've found that one of the most rewarding parts of travel is encountering the unexpected. Those are the moments that stick in our heads and provide us the most powerful learning experiences. 

Like the time I was detained and nearly arrested in St. Petersburg. 

OK maybe that wasn't the most rewarding experience, but it did teach me a few things. And I certainly haven't forgotten it.

At the risk of invalidating everything I've written above, don't sweat making cultural errors in other countries as the mistakes we make are the keys to learning about a culture, as hopefully my little anecdotes in this post illustrated.

I'm truly wistful, writing this at a time when global travel has been curtailed for two long years and may be in doubt for the foreseeable future. Perhaps the single most powerful moment for me in all my travels was the time I had the great privilege to be able to sit in Red Square in Moscow and take in the vast array of emotions going through my head. Having lived through much of the Cold War, that place represented for half my life, a foreboding, distant, terrifying world in which I could never imagine setting foot. By the time I arrived in 1995, the world had changed, or so I thought. Being there in person, Moscow, despite its idiosyncracies, could not have been more beautiful or exhilarating, very much unlike what I expected. The same goes for the people of that great city. 

Ancient Orthodox cathedral in the shadow of the Soviet Era Rossiya Hotel, Moscow

Flash forward to today and my own city, to a restaurant called Russian Tea Time, steps from where I work. It has been besieged of late by hatred and threats of violence because of Putin's invasion of Ukraine. If that by itself is not outrageous enough, the ultimate irony, or more appropriately, stupidity, is the fact that the restaurant is owned by Ukrainians. 

If only all of humanity could be so fortunate as I was to have had the opportunity to be able to look at the world from the other side of a conflict and realize that the people there, cultural differences aside, are no different than us.